5 Tips to Engage Conflict in a Healthy Way
Conflict is an unavoidable part of life. You can try to avoid it at all costs. However, doing so can be a rather stressful and exhausting way to go about life. Instead, you can view conflict as an opportunity for growth, change, and learning about yourself and those around you.
Conflict carries the energy and connotation that you bring to it. Understanding that conflict is a part of the human experience and knowing how to navigate it productively can make the situation healthier.
Here are five helpful tips to engage in conflict.
Identify Your Boundaries
Understanding and enforcing your boundaries is important in any type of relationship, whether with friends, partners, or colleagues. They give you a framework for what you are willing to accept and what behavior crosses lines.
Identifying your boundaries is one way to make you feel more empowered and assertive. The more confidence you bring to the table, the less likely you will feel victimized or fall into the victim role to find a resolution.
Bringing some assertiveness will also clarify the expectations and lead to more understanding. When communication is clear, there will be less resentment and more trust.
Separate the Person from the Problem
Successful resolution of conflict involves problem-solving together with the other person. That opportunity for growth can come with improvement of the dynamic with whoever you are experiencing conflict with.
It becomes unhealthy when you make conflict about a person over the issue. You set yourself up for failure by personalizing the conflict. It causes defensiveness or a sense of feeling attacked, and the other person will be more inclined to get combative.
Rather than viewing another person as the source of your problem, acknowledge that the issue is the problem. Team up to tackle the problem head-on. By doing so, you will establish trust in the relationship and reduce any resentment.
Don’t Focus on Winning
Conflict resolution isn’t about winning the situation or being the right party. It isn’t even in coming to an agreement. Where it is found is in gaining an understanding.
Problem-solving together may require some level of compromise on both sides. Hearing both sides of the situation will make both parties feel heard and less tense and defensive. Even if the conflict resurfaces, you can continue to work together to make the needed changes. Willingness and openness will take you far and are respectable skills moving forward.
Choose Your Words Carefully
Depending on the situation, conflict can stir up some elevated emotions. When heated, you may say things you don’t mean or use more negatively charged language. This will lead to more stress and can tip the conflict to the unhealthy side.
When conflict arises, it is important to communicate your feelings clearly. Allow yourself a moment to gather your thoughts honestly if you’re in an angry headspace. Make your point with “I” language rather than “you” language. Avoid blaming others and take responsibility for your role in any conflict.
Listen
Most importantly, listen carefully and actively to what is being said by your counterpart. To gain the best understanding, you need to try to hear what they are saying. They may not have the best excuse for their role in a situation, but it may give you more understanding of the why.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions when you aren’t clear on what is being said. You want them to understand your side, and they want that same thing in return. Everyone wants to feel heard. That will pave the way for healthier conflict and resolution.
Opinions and viewpoints will differ, and diversity in the world matters. Healthy communication skills are key to successfully navigating any type of conflict that occurs. If you’re struggling to address and resolve conflict in a healthy way, reach out to us to learn more about these strategies in relationship counseling.